Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize