i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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