Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
