I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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