He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
