I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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