I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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