My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
