I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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