If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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