we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
