I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
