he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
