Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
