At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
