please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
