You made me cry and you don't even care
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
