Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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