Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
