girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize