You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
