after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
