and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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