I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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