I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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