Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
