I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
