How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
