the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize