TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
