nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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