also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
