I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
