RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize