Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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