I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
