My liver just broke up with me...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
