your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
