just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
