dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
