if i died would you start the facebook group?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
