Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
