then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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