I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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