God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
