I wish my penis had an off switch
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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