Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When are your genitals available?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Pooping to opera.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
