We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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