i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
