everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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