I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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