I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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