I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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