maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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