just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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