We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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