Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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