What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
