They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
