BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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