I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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