I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize