Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
