I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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