Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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