What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
