I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
