When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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